As I lay on my deathbed,
through my pain
and fear,
He calls to me.
His voice infinite,
a deep resonance,
with the power of life,
He says to me:
Run!
Run with the light!
English
Writings and musings of a couple of wordoholics
Balance
There once was a man named Doubt. This was not his birth name, but rather a name given while growing up. For everywhere he went, doubt followed. Whenever people where happy, he would sow doubt about their happiness. Whenever people were proud off their accomplishments, he would sow doubt about their abilities. Above all else, the one he doubted was himself. Since doubt resided at his core, it stopped him from trying anything new. Believing he would never amount to anything,
There once was a woman named Sure. Just like Doubt, this was not her given name, but rather a name procured while growing up. For everywhere she went, sureness followed. Whenever people where happy, she would ensure their happiness. Likewise, when people were unhappy, she would ensure their unhappiness. Above all else, the one she was most sure about was herself. At every project she started, she was sure she would excel. In every topic she discussed, she was sure she was right.
Doubt and Sure never had any friends. Doubt threw people off with his sulkiness; Sure alienated people by her overestimated abilities. When Doubt met Sure, all thought they would cancel each other out. That Doubt would be the destruction off Sure. This was not to come.
Sure gave Doubt the confidence he lacked to give him a real vocation. Doubt gave Sure some sorely needed realism about her abilities. They complement each other perfectly. Together they have the strength to pursue the projects they know they will do well, the realism to stay away from the things they cannot, and the careful curiosity to try everything new. And such they inspire in others as well, giving them an abundance of friends.
Together they are Balance.
Broken
Pain
Pain
It is simple, she says
Quell the darkness
Snuff the mind
And the feelings will shift
It is soon over, she says
Then you forget
And life carries on
Joyful
Painless
I stare
And shake my head
Disbelieving
It is all in your head, she says
The blackness
The pain of not belonging
Does that mean it is not real?
Being in my mind
Always screaming
Behind a smiling mask
Silently
Invisibly
Longing for understanding
It is only a feeling, she says
Not always true
Never really important
I laugh
And cry
A feeling can not be silenced
Or carelessly thrown away
However unwanted
Unjustified
Barely numbed
It envelops me
Drags me down
You are being difficult, she says
I glare
I am not the difficult one
Not the one with closed eyes
A closed mind
She refuses to see the darkness
Shuts out the screaming
Always helping
Wrongly
Egotistically
You are delusional, she says
I sigh
And turn
She will never understand
My pain
My House of Life
I built my house of life when I was young and inexperienced. With those experiences, dreams, and hopes that I had. Straw, polystyrene, rubber bands, and double-sided tape made up the walls, roof, and floors. Rickety and cracked, exposed to wind and high water, it has clung on. In a constant state of maintenance. But the rubber bands keep on breaking. The polystyrene has long since crumbled. The straws are broken, and the tape is all but dry. The pink wallpaper has long since faded.
I want to build a new house of life.
I will build a new house of life. With those experiences, dreams, and hopes that I have now. More matured and ready. This time I will build with stones, concrete, steel, and thick wooden logs. I will spend time. All the time that I need. I will consider every stone, every log. I will place them where they fit best. I will make sure there are no holes and cracks. I will wait until I am ready for each new part. I will carefully consider each new addition. Everything on a solid foundation.
My new house of life.
My new house of life will have triple-glazed windows, all of which can be opened. Opened without the walls falling in. My new door will be thick and solid. With a lock that will never seize up. The roof will be water-tight. The chimney will be tall. The house will be large, solid, and safe. With open, bright rooms and plenty of space. Every room will have its own purpose. Every room its own colour, across the spectrum in a rainbow.
My eternal house of life.
My eternal house of life will be full of joie de vivre. Full of acceptance, honesty, and respect. Faith, hope, and love. My house will stand steady, come rain or shine. There will be room for dark thoughts and room for bright thoughts. There will be a fireplace for cold days and a fan for warm days. My eternal house of life will be open to everything. Have room for everything. All future experiences, dreams, and hopes. And it will handle it. My house of life will not collapse again.
My eternal, joyous house of life.
Translated by Stine-Marie.